If At First You Don't Succeed...

Virgo: You must choose to make a change in your methods or ideals in order to successfully cope with business matters.

Translation:
If you want to start another failed business venture, do something different.

So the FDA didn't accept my drug Placebo. Fine, no problem, I'll call it Vegan Placebo and sell it as a homeopathic cure.

UnScene Kids

Virgo: You may hear something you think is impossible — but even Goliath was overcome by someone who possessed strength of character.

Translation:
Even you can be cool in your imagination.

*Snikt* Hehehe. I'm awesome.

I'm Like Rubber. You're like glue.

Virgo: You may come into contact with people at an event who are able to see all the goodness within and ignore the outer shell. Follow their lead.

Translation:
You're ugly. Latch on to anyone willing to give you the time of day.

I've gotten five black eyes with this approach, but today is the day.

The Best Part Of Packages

Virgo: You may briefly feel as though you have been wrapped in bubble wrap and insulated from human contact. This feeling will pass.

Translation:
You may feel like people are giving you emotional space. They aren't. They're ignoring you.

Well, at least I'm not suffering some emotional trauma.

Swift, And To The Bridge Of The Nose

Virgo: Now is the time to knuckle down and please the boss. Make an effort to present a friendly smile that is evident even over the phone.

Translation:
Your boss didn't hire you for your brains. You were hired to keep employees in line through physical intimidation. Don't forget that.

It's just so difficult to headbutt when you're suffering a tryptophan hangover.

Keeping A Safe Distance

Virgo: Your ability to be sympathetic and kindhearted draws others closer. Give others extra space and they'll figure everything out.

Translation:
You're needy, and your clinginess annoys people. Leave them alone.

Wow, and I thought things would get better after two and a half months.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

I'm back!